Thursday, May 5, 2011
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Growing Up is Hard to Do.
Sometimes I wonder about a little thing called "denial". For me, its denial of age. I hear the number, but it does not compute in my brain. In my heart, I still feel like a kid. An extremely exhausted kid because everything I have been through, but a kid none-the-less.
I want to live life to its fullest. I want to make something of my life. Who doesn't? Everyone does. No one wants to grow old. Everyone wants to make a difference here on earth. You wake up one day and look in the mirror wondering who in the world is staring back at you.
Last weekend I was holding my 4-month-old niece. She is so beautiful. She smiles and makes your heart melt. She makes me want another baby so badly. Someone to love you unconditionally, at least for a little while. As I was holding her she smiled so brightly at me and I said "Maddy, someday I will teach you how to pick up guys". She laughs and my sister-in-law says, "You will be almost 60 when she is 16, like she is going to listen to you?" My jaw dropped. The number was horrendous. No, I do not think I will ever live to that age, but it was like a sledge hammer to the head. Reality came crashing down.
I was watching a show with William Shatner, he was interviewing Judge Judy. Both stated the same thing: You look in the mirror and wonder, "Who is that person looking back at you?" In your mind you are still the same person you were as a child, a teen, a twenty something… but the body, it grows old, the mind does not.
Children are so wonderful. They bring your mind back to that of a child. If I met the right person, yes, I would have another, but I couldn't on my own. Instead, I will love my kids who are to "old" for me to give them a hug right now without them getting embarrassed, and hug my nieces and nephews who still enjoy being held, kissed, and loved.
I love to spoil kids.
My friend, a great friend who lost her 5-year-old son to cancer, just had a little boy too, on Dec 13. A hard day for me because of a break-up the night before via text of all things, but a wonderful, beautiful day for her. I am so happy for her. No one will ever replace the son she lost, but, her new little one will help fill a void in her heart. Children do that. Fill a void. Maybe that is why no one wants to grow old.
The innocence of a child is precious. Their naiveté, their trust, their unconditional love. What a world it would be if we could all be like a child. Children make the world a better place to live. They remind us of better times. Times of no responsibilities, times of truly being free, times of exploration, uninhibited innocence, and wonder. A child is a true gift from God. No one wants to grow old. We all are young at heart. Seriously, I can't see myself as older, but everyone ages. Some of us don't make it to old age, other do. What is age? A number. Just a number. It's what you feel in your heart that counts.
Until next time……
I want to live life to its fullest. I want to make something of my life. Who doesn't? Everyone does. No one wants to grow old. Everyone wants to make a difference here on earth. You wake up one day and look in the mirror wondering who in the world is staring back at you.
Last weekend I was holding my 4-month-old niece. She is so beautiful. She smiles and makes your heart melt. She makes me want another baby so badly. Someone to love you unconditionally, at least for a little while. As I was holding her she smiled so brightly at me and I said "Maddy, someday I will teach you how to pick up guys". She laughs and my sister-in-law says, "You will be almost 60 when she is 16, like she is going to listen to you?" My jaw dropped. The number was horrendous. No, I do not think I will ever live to that age, but it was like a sledge hammer to the head. Reality came crashing down.
I was watching a show with William Shatner, he was interviewing Judge Judy. Both stated the same thing: You look in the mirror and wonder, "Who is that person looking back at you?" In your mind you are still the same person you were as a child, a teen, a twenty something… but the body, it grows old, the mind does not.
Children are so wonderful. They bring your mind back to that of a child. If I met the right person, yes, I would have another, but I couldn't on my own. Instead, I will love my kids who are to "old" for me to give them a hug right now without them getting embarrassed, and hug my nieces and nephews who still enjoy being held, kissed, and loved.
I love to spoil kids.
My friend, a great friend who lost her 5-year-old son to cancer, just had a little boy too, on Dec 13. A hard day for me because of a break-up the night before via text of all things, but a wonderful, beautiful day for her. I am so happy for her. No one will ever replace the son she lost, but, her new little one will help fill a void in her heart. Children do that. Fill a void. Maybe that is why no one wants to grow old.
The innocence of a child is precious. Their naiveté, their trust, their unconditional love. What a world it would be if we could all be like a child. Children make the world a better place to live. They remind us of better times. Times of no responsibilities, times of truly being free, times of exploration, uninhibited innocence, and wonder. A child is a true gift from God. No one wants to grow old. We all are young at heart. Seriously, I can't see myself as older, but everyone ages. Some of us don't make it to old age, other do. What is age? A number. Just a number. It's what you feel in your heart that counts.
Until next time……
Monday, February 22, 2010
2009
December 12th of 2008 was the day I met the con artist. A man I wished badly I had never met. One year later, that same date would be the date I broke up with a man who I had been with 8 months.
I am thinking I may need to avoid men on that date in the future. But, then again, December 12 of 2009 I met a man who has become a great friend. Who knows, is there anything to a date?
2009 came and went. I had a lot of horrible things happen, but a lot tremendous things happened as well. The man I fell in love with and broke up with, I will never regret the time I spent with him. I loved every minute. The con man… I regret that. I regret him. The "May" thing, I learned so much from and am now a completely different person than I ever was. I do wish that it hadn't happened, but you cannot change the past. I have grown up so much during the past year. I would not change the lessons I learned for anything in the world. The things I wished never happened probably made me a stronger woman. Don't get me wrong, I do get scared at times, but, I continue on and remember what I have been through, and yet I still survived. Amazing, really. I believe everyone can probably make the same statement. Would you really change what has happened to you in the past? Those events which took place in your life, good or bad, are what made you who you are today. For better or for worse.
I have failed so much during the past year. But after each failure, I pick myself up, brush myself off and start all over again. The pastor at my church made this statement this past weekend. "Risk boldly, fail spectacularly, and succeed beyond your wildest dreams!" I love that statement. Anyone who knows me well, knows I risk boldly, they also know no one can fail as spectacularly as I. But, I WILL succeed beyond my wildest dreams. I keep trying, I keep failing, but all the failures will lead to my success. Guaranteed!
Until next time…….
I am thinking I may need to avoid men on that date in the future. But, then again, December 12 of 2009 I met a man who has become a great friend. Who knows, is there anything to a date?
2009 came and went. I had a lot of horrible things happen, but a lot tremendous things happened as well. The man I fell in love with and broke up with, I will never regret the time I spent with him. I loved every minute. The con man… I regret that. I regret him. The "May" thing, I learned so much from and am now a completely different person than I ever was. I do wish that it hadn't happened, but you cannot change the past. I have grown up so much during the past year. I would not change the lessons I learned for anything in the world. The things I wished never happened probably made me a stronger woman. Don't get me wrong, I do get scared at times, but, I continue on and remember what I have been through, and yet I still survived. Amazing, really. I believe everyone can probably make the same statement. Would you really change what has happened to you in the past? Those events which took place in your life, good or bad, are what made you who you are today. For better or for worse.
I have failed so much during the past year. But after each failure, I pick myself up, brush myself off and start all over again. The pastor at my church made this statement this past weekend. "Risk boldly, fail spectacularly, and succeed beyond your wildest dreams!" I love that statement. Anyone who knows me well, knows I risk boldly, they also know no one can fail as spectacularly as I. But, I WILL succeed beyond my wildest dreams. I keep trying, I keep failing, but all the failures will lead to my success. Guaranteed!
Until next time…….
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Loneliness
Wow! I did not realize it has been so long since I have updated. Time sure does fly by. The 2009 holidays went okay. This was the first Christmas in my memory which was canceled. The kids were with their father and I spent 3 days "holed up" in the apartment until I was able to dig out the car and the roads were safe to travel. This last month has been extremely cold where I live and the snow has been ridiculous. Why do I live here you ask? Because the ex husband won't let me take the kids and move. If I could, I would not be living here.
Holidays are definitely about family and friends. Where would you be without them? Still with the hectic holidays and people all around, if you are single, it can be a very lonely time.
In Angela Thomas' book, "My Single Mom Life" she states:
"I don’t think that other people believe that single moms are all that lonely. We've got kids who live with us, and those brilliant little minds are always coming up with a million things for us to do for them. And single moms are ridiculously busy, they reason so how could we be lonely? We are balancing and multi-tasking more than any sane human being should have to. But maybe that in itself is part of it. When you are holding up the world, all by yourself, fatigue sets in. Everyone assumes you can be strong because you are getting it all done, but no one wants to be that strong. And really no one should have to be. Eventually the fatigue is overwhelming, and being tired just makes you lonelier. "
That statement is very true. There are days I feel so exhausted from running around, trying to get kids to activities, work several jobs, paperwork for colleges, paperwork for study abroad programs, for transferring colleges, to still doing micro soccer, boy scouts, helping with homework, refereeing fights between siblings, picking kids up, carpooling, figuring out transportation to activities when you have to be working, doctors appointments, dentist appointments, the constant motion, sometimes you feel you can't even breathe. Then, when night hits, the loneliness sets in with a vengeance, and you break into tears unable to stop. Tears from sheer exhaustion because you feel you can't keep everything together anymore. Yes, single parents are busy. Yet they still feel terribly alone. But it is so hard for us to meet people. We can't just drop everything when someone calls and go out. We have to "pre plan" making it difficult for beginning a new relationship.
Loneliness can make an otherwise rational person do stupid things as well. Angela Thomas states: "They get on planes to meet strange men/ women they just "met" in a chat room. They begin to drink in the dark to mask the pain. Watch things they would not have been caught dead seeing before, and an entire assortment of other immoral, illicit, embarrassing behaviors. They become women they are not, just to feel something other than pain. When you are desperately empty and alone, you'll do almost anything to make that feeling go away. "
For me that statement hit the nail on the head. I became someone I was not to mask my pain. When I did not have the kids, I kept running and doing things I never would have done before in a million years so I would not be "alone". I bent over backwards for the guy I was with, doing things he wanted me to do which totally went against everything I was. Why did I do them? Because I thought he would leave me if I didn't. Guess what, he left anyway. One thing I learned, don’t become someone you are not for any man. If you have to do something immoral, illicit, and embarrassing just to keep him, he is not worth it. If you have to do something that goes against your principals as a person to keep a man, then he does not care one lick about you. Even though it may hurt to move on, move on. It may take awhile, but do not compromise yourself like I did just to not be lonely. It doesn't work. You still feel alone, and your self esteem plummets to the ground like never before. The key is to move on and eventually someday, you will find someone who is worth it, who won't let you compromise yourself, someone who loves you for you, someone who you can share your "grown up" heart with and then you won't be alone any more.
Until next time….
Holidays are definitely about family and friends. Where would you be without them? Still with the hectic holidays and people all around, if you are single, it can be a very lonely time.
In Angela Thomas' book, "My Single Mom Life" she states:
"I don’t think that other people believe that single moms are all that lonely. We've got kids who live with us, and those brilliant little minds are always coming up with a million things for us to do for them. And single moms are ridiculously busy, they reason so how could we be lonely? We are balancing and multi-tasking more than any sane human being should have to. But maybe that in itself is part of it. When you are holding up the world, all by yourself, fatigue sets in. Everyone assumes you can be strong because you are getting it all done, but no one wants to be that strong. And really no one should have to be. Eventually the fatigue is overwhelming, and being tired just makes you lonelier. "
That statement is very true. There are days I feel so exhausted from running around, trying to get kids to activities, work several jobs, paperwork for colleges, paperwork for study abroad programs, for transferring colleges, to still doing micro soccer, boy scouts, helping with homework, refereeing fights between siblings, picking kids up, carpooling, figuring out transportation to activities when you have to be working, doctors appointments, dentist appointments, the constant motion, sometimes you feel you can't even breathe. Then, when night hits, the loneliness sets in with a vengeance, and you break into tears unable to stop. Tears from sheer exhaustion because you feel you can't keep everything together anymore. Yes, single parents are busy. Yet they still feel terribly alone. But it is so hard for us to meet people. We can't just drop everything when someone calls and go out. We have to "pre plan" making it difficult for beginning a new relationship.
Loneliness can make an otherwise rational person do stupid things as well. Angela Thomas states: "They get on planes to meet strange men/ women they just "met" in a chat room. They begin to drink in the dark to mask the pain. Watch things they would not have been caught dead seeing before, and an entire assortment of other immoral, illicit, embarrassing behaviors. They become women they are not, just to feel something other than pain. When you are desperately empty and alone, you'll do almost anything to make that feeling go away. "
For me that statement hit the nail on the head. I became someone I was not to mask my pain. When I did not have the kids, I kept running and doing things I never would have done before in a million years so I would not be "alone". I bent over backwards for the guy I was with, doing things he wanted me to do which totally went against everything I was. Why did I do them? Because I thought he would leave me if I didn't. Guess what, he left anyway. One thing I learned, don’t become someone you are not for any man. If you have to do something immoral, illicit, and embarrassing just to keep him, he is not worth it. If you have to do something that goes against your principals as a person to keep a man, then he does not care one lick about you. Even though it may hurt to move on, move on. It may take awhile, but do not compromise yourself like I did just to not be lonely. It doesn't work. You still feel alone, and your self esteem plummets to the ground like never before. The key is to move on and eventually someday, you will find someone who is worth it, who won't let you compromise yourself, someone who loves you for you, someone who you can share your "grown up" heart with and then you won't be alone any more.
Until next time….
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Sometimes Good Things Happen When You Need It Most
Okay, I am going a different direction here today. Many things have happened since I last updated and it has been crazy. I will focus today on some thing's which happened last Friday, Saturday & Sunday (Dec 4, 5 & 6). I am not a churchy person, although I did accept Christ as my Lord and Savior years ago. I wasn't "churchy" then, but I believed. Since then, I have fallen, and fallen, and fallen, and fallen. I am definitely not a perfect person by any means. We all fall from grace. Some of us (me over the past year and a half) more than others. I know I still have not written about something that happened on May 24, 2009. I will eventually, but 2 weeks after that date, when I had survived and finally gotten out of the hospital, I decided to try to start going back to church. It has not been consistent at all, but here and there I have tried.
Last Friday (Dec 4) was one of those days from hell. It was one thing after another after another until I found myself with a flat tire. It was freezing cold and the flat was on my old 1996 Plymouth van which I had never changed a tire on. Yes, I had changed tires before, just never on the van. First, I could not figure out where the spare was, (found it finally bolted up under the car), then for the life of me I could not get it down. It was freezing cold, I had neglected to have gloves with me that day, and the strain of the day, with this as a "topper", brought me to tears. Finally an older man in a little red truck stopped to help. He changed the tire and I was able to drive a mile back up to get it patched. I asked how much the patch would be and they told me $18. After waiting a little bit, they came back and told me the tire would have to be replaced and the cheapest they had was $73. I do not have credit cards, and only had $40 to my name until the next paycheck on the 15. I left and went home to call around to see if I could find a used tire. Of the places I called, no one had a used tire and the cheapest I found was $60. I was upset especially with the threat of snow on Sunday and the impending storm coming in throughout the entire next week. I did not want to risk driving on ice and snow with the "donut" on my car, especially with the kids, but knew that was probably going to happen.
Saturday came and I did some promo work at the local grocery store for 6 hours as I did not have the kids that weekend. I am not afraid of work, in fact I can be a work-a-holic at times, like when I started my non profit (its still going, but when I got a divorce I had to train someone to take over for time and monetary reasons), I worked the nonprofit 40 + hours a week for 3 years for free and worked my normal paying job on top of that. So work does not bother me. I just need to learn maybe stop working for free.
When I got home Saturday evening my daughter called. I need to give you a little background on this situation.
My daughter and I are very close and she knows how I have been struggling. She works at a local movie theater and offered to lend money to me when it was needed. I had had to borrow a couple hundred here and there over the last 6 months all along thinking I would find a better job and be able to pay her back. I have been looking and interviewing, but no luck as of yet. What I owed her climbed to $1,135. I started odd jobs when I could try to bring in some extra money. I figured I could start paying her back that way until something came up job wise. I have a job; it just falls short financially each month. Well, my daughter's dream is to major in Japanese and international business. She has enough credits to graduate at the end of this year except for 3 English credits which she was planning on taking this summer. She is a junior and wanted to do the youth exchange program through the Rotary club. She has been working so hard for this opportunity, both in school and saving up because she has to pay for this on her own as I cannot afford it.
Well Saturday she called telling me she got the application for the exchange program in the mail that day. She really wanted to go and she needed the money for the application fee, dental exam, physical, shots and her passport (as we don’t have dental or health insurance at this time). However, she knew I could not pay her back yet. I was so frustrated and upset as I did not know what to do. She has worked so hard for this and I did not want to let her down. I had no idea how I was going to be able to get the money to pay her back what I owed her as I am unable to get a loan. I felt like a complete failure. My daughter was not angry; she was just devastated as she saw her dream, and what she worked so hard for, going down the drain because I could not pay her back. Had she not loaned me the money, she would have had enough, but she had loaned it to me as she knew it had been needed. I went to bed feeling like a failure. Everything has just hit hard over the past year and I did not know what to do. I set the alarm for church as I had not been for 2 weeks.
The next morning the alarm went off at 9 and I turned over and went back to bed. Something in my mind kept telling me I had to get up. I was having a battle in my head. I fell back to sleep and the alarm went off again. I heard a "Get up and go to church!" I said "No" and tried to go back to sleep. I felt this prompting over and over until finally I said "Fine. If it snowed though, I am not going!" I got up to look out the window and there was no snow. Defeated, I got ready for church. I called my friend and told her I was coming and asked her to save me a seat as I did not have the kids that weekend and do not like sitting alone. Then halfway through the sermon the pastor stopped suddenly. He then asked for single moms to go up to the front of the church. There was no way I was going up there. I know I am a single mom, but, it’s a pride thing. My friend kept telling me that I needed to go up and I wouldn't. Many women went up; finally my friend just held my hand and we stayed back. Then the pastor stopped again and said "I feel like all the single moms that need to be up here are not. If you are a single mother, come up." The place was packed and the pastor did not know me from Adam. I figured he was talking about the others. Instead my friend took me by the hand and dragged me up telling me she felt God prompting her that I had to be there. Then the pastor starts talking about the struggles of single moms and that they, as a church, have a duty to take care of their own. He told the congregation if they felt lead by God to give, to come forward and give to us. My jaw dropped, I wanted to take off running. I turned to my friend and said, I should not be up here, I am not living on the street, there are people worse off. She said "No, you need a tire before the snow comes, just accept it." It was very humbling as when I was married, I was the one giving as then we had 2 incomes. It was so embarrassing and humbling to have to accept money, I know I am struggling, but who isn't? There are people living on the streets, they should be getting the money, not me. What about the husbands and wives who are struggling? The turmoil inside was horrible, but everyone was so wonderful, the hugs, the tears, the encouraging words, I will never forget it. I did not look at the money until I got home. I felt so undeserving, but knew I needed that tire. My friend and her husband took me to lunch after church and her husband called around to see who was open on Sunday to replace a tire. Then he paid for the tire telling me to use the rest of what I had received that morning for something else. When I returned home I counted it. I was in tears. It was enough to cover the last $70 my oldest son had left after loans for college so they would let him sign up for classes next semester, enough to get my tire, and enough to pay my daughter back so she would not lose out on something she had worked so hard for. I cried. I called my daughter immediately and told her. She was in tears, she was so happy. This gift did not get me out of the "hole" nor did it make it so I would not be struggling, what it did was cover some immediate expenses that God knew needed to be taken care of, yet I had no way to pay them. It was just what was needed at the time.
I still feel undeserving of what happened. But I have come to the conclusion, God was watching out for me and my children, especially my daughter as he knew how hard she had worked, and the sacrifices she had made to realize her dream. Yet she had been willing to give all that up to help me when I needed it. God gave my daughter her dream back. I realize that even though I am far from perfect, and make many, many mistakes, sometimes you need to trust God to provide the answers when he feels it's necessary. As my friend told me, "Sometimes you need to just let go and let God." (Let God take care of things.)
It was a humbling experience, yet one I will remember the rest of my life.
Until next time…..
Last Friday (Dec 4) was one of those days from hell. It was one thing after another after another until I found myself with a flat tire. It was freezing cold and the flat was on my old 1996 Plymouth van which I had never changed a tire on. Yes, I had changed tires before, just never on the van. First, I could not figure out where the spare was, (found it finally bolted up under the car), then for the life of me I could not get it down. It was freezing cold, I had neglected to have gloves with me that day, and the strain of the day, with this as a "topper", brought me to tears. Finally an older man in a little red truck stopped to help. He changed the tire and I was able to drive a mile back up to get it patched. I asked how much the patch would be and they told me $18. After waiting a little bit, they came back and told me the tire would have to be replaced and the cheapest they had was $73. I do not have credit cards, and only had $40 to my name until the next paycheck on the 15. I left and went home to call around to see if I could find a used tire. Of the places I called, no one had a used tire and the cheapest I found was $60. I was upset especially with the threat of snow on Sunday and the impending storm coming in throughout the entire next week. I did not want to risk driving on ice and snow with the "donut" on my car, especially with the kids, but knew that was probably going to happen.
Saturday came and I did some promo work at the local grocery store for 6 hours as I did not have the kids that weekend. I am not afraid of work, in fact I can be a work-a-holic at times, like when I started my non profit (its still going, but when I got a divorce I had to train someone to take over for time and monetary reasons), I worked the nonprofit 40 + hours a week for 3 years for free and worked my normal paying job on top of that. So work does not bother me. I just need to learn maybe stop working for free.
When I got home Saturday evening my daughter called. I need to give you a little background on this situation.
My daughter and I are very close and she knows how I have been struggling. She works at a local movie theater and offered to lend money to me when it was needed. I had had to borrow a couple hundred here and there over the last 6 months all along thinking I would find a better job and be able to pay her back. I have been looking and interviewing, but no luck as of yet. What I owed her climbed to $1,135. I started odd jobs when I could try to bring in some extra money. I figured I could start paying her back that way until something came up job wise. I have a job; it just falls short financially each month. Well, my daughter's dream is to major in Japanese and international business. She has enough credits to graduate at the end of this year except for 3 English credits which she was planning on taking this summer. She is a junior and wanted to do the youth exchange program through the Rotary club. She has been working so hard for this opportunity, both in school and saving up because she has to pay for this on her own as I cannot afford it.
Well Saturday she called telling me she got the application for the exchange program in the mail that day. She really wanted to go and she needed the money for the application fee, dental exam, physical, shots and her passport (as we don’t have dental or health insurance at this time). However, she knew I could not pay her back yet. I was so frustrated and upset as I did not know what to do. She has worked so hard for this and I did not want to let her down. I had no idea how I was going to be able to get the money to pay her back what I owed her as I am unable to get a loan. I felt like a complete failure. My daughter was not angry; she was just devastated as she saw her dream, and what she worked so hard for, going down the drain because I could not pay her back. Had she not loaned me the money, she would have had enough, but she had loaned it to me as she knew it had been needed. I went to bed feeling like a failure. Everything has just hit hard over the past year and I did not know what to do. I set the alarm for church as I had not been for 2 weeks.
The next morning the alarm went off at 9 and I turned over and went back to bed. Something in my mind kept telling me I had to get up. I was having a battle in my head. I fell back to sleep and the alarm went off again. I heard a "Get up and go to church!" I said "No" and tried to go back to sleep. I felt this prompting over and over until finally I said "Fine. If it snowed though, I am not going!" I got up to look out the window and there was no snow. Defeated, I got ready for church. I called my friend and told her I was coming and asked her to save me a seat as I did not have the kids that weekend and do not like sitting alone. Then halfway through the sermon the pastor stopped suddenly. He then asked for single moms to go up to the front of the church. There was no way I was going up there. I know I am a single mom, but, it’s a pride thing. My friend kept telling me that I needed to go up and I wouldn't. Many women went up; finally my friend just held my hand and we stayed back. Then the pastor stopped again and said "I feel like all the single moms that need to be up here are not. If you are a single mother, come up." The place was packed and the pastor did not know me from Adam. I figured he was talking about the others. Instead my friend took me by the hand and dragged me up telling me she felt God prompting her that I had to be there. Then the pastor starts talking about the struggles of single moms and that they, as a church, have a duty to take care of their own. He told the congregation if they felt lead by God to give, to come forward and give to us. My jaw dropped, I wanted to take off running. I turned to my friend and said, I should not be up here, I am not living on the street, there are people worse off. She said "No, you need a tire before the snow comes, just accept it." It was very humbling as when I was married, I was the one giving as then we had 2 incomes. It was so embarrassing and humbling to have to accept money, I know I am struggling, but who isn't? There are people living on the streets, they should be getting the money, not me. What about the husbands and wives who are struggling? The turmoil inside was horrible, but everyone was so wonderful, the hugs, the tears, the encouraging words, I will never forget it. I did not look at the money until I got home. I felt so undeserving, but knew I needed that tire. My friend and her husband took me to lunch after church and her husband called around to see who was open on Sunday to replace a tire. Then he paid for the tire telling me to use the rest of what I had received that morning for something else. When I returned home I counted it. I was in tears. It was enough to cover the last $70 my oldest son had left after loans for college so they would let him sign up for classes next semester, enough to get my tire, and enough to pay my daughter back so she would not lose out on something she had worked so hard for. I cried. I called my daughter immediately and told her. She was in tears, she was so happy. This gift did not get me out of the "hole" nor did it make it so I would not be struggling, what it did was cover some immediate expenses that God knew needed to be taken care of, yet I had no way to pay them. It was just what was needed at the time.
I still feel undeserving of what happened. But I have come to the conclusion, God was watching out for me and my children, especially my daughter as he knew how hard she had worked, and the sacrifices she had made to realize her dream. Yet she had been willing to give all that up to help me when I needed it. God gave my daughter her dream back. I realize that even though I am far from perfect, and make many, many mistakes, sometimes you need to trust God to provide the answers when he feels it's necessary. As my friend told me, "Sometimes you need to just let go and let God." (Let God take care of things.)
It was a humbling experience, yet one I will remember the rest of my life.
Until next time…..
Sunday, November 29, 2009
The Bucket List.
Okay, where do we go from here? Instead of hiding away (yes the hurt is still there, probably many hurts with other men since, and many more to come), it's time to take control and do something for you. I would suggest a "Bucket List." Make a list of things you always wanted to do before you "kick the bucket" per se. No better time like the present. It can be from something totally wacky to just something you wanted to personally accomplish. What are those "somethings" you always wanted to do but have made excuses why you couldn't do them. Even if you feel they are unattainable, write them down, an opportunity may present itself. From learning to belly dance to climbing Mt Everest, be truthful with what you have always dreamed of doing. Maybe even put it in some type of order (somethings you may have to save up for). But do them. Don't wait for someday. You never know when your time will come. Start your bucket list today.
What is your bucket list?
Until next time….
What is your bucket list?
Until next time….
Saturday, November 28, 2009
When You're Not Looking….
One evening a friend and I decided to go out. It was a last minute decision, but more and more, many nights are last minute. Being a single mom with kids whose visitations are not set in stone, you just never know when you will be free. We agreed to meet at a lounge in the area. Usually the lounge is hopping, but that evening was a home football game for our state, so everyone was tailgating an hour away at the state school; as a result, very few people were there. Instead, we decided to try a bar which seemed a little busier across the way.
We walked in; the crowd was okay, but not great. We decided to grab one drink then try some place else. We sat down to talk. About half way through our drink a man came to our table and asked us to join his friend and him. We told him we would in a bit. We finished up our drinks and walked over. As we sat down, we noticed the table next to them was a table filled with girls in their mid to late 20's. Curious, we asked the two men why they would want us to join them when clearly there was a table of younger, attractive women right next to them. They stated they found us attractive (points in their favor) and if they wanted to hear about Miley Cyrus all night they would have asked the younger women to join them, but they wanted a little more meaningful conversation. Okay, maybe that was a pick up line, but it worked. Made us both feel good. Neither of us went into the bar looking for someone to hook up with, yet here we were having a great time talking and laughing about a wide variety of subjects. By the end of the evening we were asked to go back to one man's house. My friend had really hit it off with one of the guys, the other man was very nice, but I was not looking for someone at the time, so I declined to join them. The funny thing was; my friend was adamant about staying single and had had it with men, but guess what? She is still with him and is having a terrific time. No, they are not "in love" right now, but, as she states it, they are "in like."
Just goes to show you, you never know what will happen from one minute to the next in life.
Until next time….
We walked in; the crowd was okay, but not great. We decided to grab one drink then try some place else. We sat down to talk. About half way through our drink a man came to our table and asked us to join his friend and him. We told him we would in a bit. We finished up our drinks and walked over. As we sat down, we noticed the table next to them was a table filled with girls in their mid to late 20's. Curious, we asked the two men why they would want us to join them when clearly there was a table of younger, attractive women right next to them. They stated they found us attractive (points in their favor) and if they wanted to hear about Miley Cyrus all night they would have asked the younger women to join them, but they wanted a little more meaningful conversation. Okay, maybe that was a pick up line, but it worked. Made us both feel good. Neither of us went into the bar looking for someone to hook up with, yet here we were having a great time talking and laughing about a wide variety of subjects. By the end of the evening we were asked to go back to one man's house. My friend had really hit it off with one of the guys, the other man was very nice, but I was not looking for someone at the time, so I declined to join them. The funny thing was; my friend was adamant about staying single and had had it with men, but guess what? She is still with him and is having a terrific time. No, they are not "in love" right now, but, as she states it, they are "in like."
Just goes to show you, you never know what will happen from one minute to the next in life.
Until next time….
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Thanksgiving
The holidays are already upon us. It is hard to believe another year has passed us by.
When you’re a child, you keep wishing you were older and you want time to fly. Once you are older, you wish you were younger and you want time to stand still.
Last Thanksgiving was the first Thanksgiving for me as a single parent. My ex husband had the kids for Thanksgiving and my parents, whose home we have celebrated Thanksgiving at for as long as I can remember, had flown to Hawaii. All my brothers and sisters were doing different things. Cousins, aunts and uncles all found their own ways. It felt strange having to decide what to do for Thanksgiving. I never had to even think about it before. Looking back I almost think it was a blessing in disguise. After several invitations, I ended up choosing to go to a friend's house.
I still had a little trepidation driving over to her home. I felt like I was going to be the "odd ball out", as I was the outsider coming in. I'm used to over 30 people every Thanksgiving. There were six of us last Thanksgiving. But I had a great time. It took no time at all to get into the spirit of things and they all made me feel right at home. Actually, with it being the first Thanksgiving after a divorce, one without the kids, it was a great choice for me.
Sometimes it’s a good thing to change it up a bit. If you go to the same places you used to go to as a family, it may be hard to do the same thing, that first year anyway. Depending on your situation, it might be time to start a new tradition. Or maybe it would be good, if you can afford it, to take a trip somewhere and get away for the holidays. Whatever you do remember, if children are involved, you need to take their feelings into consideration as well.
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
Until next time...
When you’re a child, you keep wishing you were older and you want time to fly. Once you are older, you wish you were younger and you want time to stand still.
Last Thanksgiving was the first Thanksgiving for me as a single parent. My ex husband had the kids for Thanksgiving and my parents, whose home we have celebrated Thanksgiving at for as long as I can remember, had flown to Hawaii. All my brothers and sisters were doing different things. Cousins, aunts and uncles all found their own ways. It felt strange having to decide what to do for Thanksgiving. I never had to even think about it before. Looking back I almost think it was a blessing in disguise. After several invitations, I ended up choosing to go to a friend's house.
I still had a little trepidation driving over to her home. I felt like I was going to be the "odd ball out", as I was the outsider coming in. I'm used to over 30 people every Thanksgiving. There were six of us last Thanksgiving. But I had a great time. It took no time at all to get into the spirit of things and they all made me feel right at home. Actually, with it being the first Thanksgiving after a divorce, one without the kids, it was a great choice for me.
Sometimes it’s a good thing to change it up a bit. If you go to the same places you used to go to as a family, it may be hard to do the same thing, that first year anyway. Depending on your situation, it might be time to start a new tradition. Or maybe it would be good, if you can afford it, to take a trip somewhere and get away for the holidays. Whatever you do remember, if children are involved, you need to take their feelings into consideration as well.
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
Until next time...
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
How does that song go by Neil Sedaka? "Don't take your love away from me, don't you leave my heart in misery. If you go then I'll be blue 'cause breaking up is hard to do.
"The song is the perfect accompaniment to a breakup. It goes through the feelings we all have experienced. You remember the good times and you want them back. In some cases, if you are the one being dumped, you try to get them back. But sometimes you need to realize it's just the end. Or, if you are a positive person, it’s a new beginning.
Everyone handles a divorce or break up differently. We all go about surviving in a different way. I have many friends going through divorces. Some of us had had enough and did the filing ourselves, others had the divorce come at them out of the blue. I think if you are the one filing, it may be a little easier. Not that divorce is ever easy, but emotionally the one doing the filing usually is done with the relationship (not in all cases though).
In the divorce class, we were told that women file the most, and usually by the time they file they have no feelings left. They have been done for a long time. That was true in my case and several of my friend's cases as well. But others were blind-sided. Their exes left them for another woman. Looking back, they could see the signs. But at the time, they had no idea. I think how a person heals after a break up depends on each individual situation.
When you first get divorced several things may happen. You may go out immediately and hit the town picking up anyone you can, trying to forget. "Sewing your oats" as they say: The mentality of "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else."
Others may slip into a deep depression, hiding themselves away.
Either way, you also have the kids to deal with and their emotions, the lawyers, court, dividing the assets; the list goes on and on and on. So divorce does not just bring with it dating, and relationships, it brings a whole new slew of problems.
I did the divorce the cheap way. Gave it all away: no lawyers involved. We went to the courthouse, filed, and two months later went to court. Done, finished. About $255 dollars total ($155 for the filing fee and $50 dollars each for the parenting class). Other friends; two years and counting, lawyer bills racking up, nothing agreed upon, just plain crazy. Obviously if you have kids you need to keep it together for them and put their feeling first. If you don't have kids, the divorce is obviously less complicated.
They say a break up is much like a death. In essence it is. It is a death of a relationship. It’s a death of a period of your life. It may be devastating at the time, but all will go through those steps of "grief"
1. Denial and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance.
You may not realize you are going through the stages when you are going through them, but if you look back, you will recognize each stage. Every person will go through the stages differently. Some will go through the stages in a matter of weeks; for others it may take years to get through them. It just depends on the person. Sometimes these stages were gone through before the divorce was filed for.
I guess maybe what needs to be remembered is; you are not the only one going thru this. If you need someone to talk to look around, that shoulder to lean on is not very far away.Get your life in order, learn from your experience, reconnect with friends, move forward, and most importantly, take the time needed to heal.
Until tomorrow….
"The song is the perfect accompaniment to a breakup. It goes through the feelings we all have experienced. You remember the good times and you want them back. In some cases, if you are the one being dumped, you try to get them back. But sometimes you need to realize it's just the end. Or, if you are a positive person, it’s a new beginning.
Everyone handles a divorce or break up differently. We all go about surviving in a different way. I have many friends going through divorces. Some of us had had enough and did the filing ourselves, others had the divorce come at them out of the blue. I think if you are the one filing, it may be a little easier. Not that divorce is ever easy, but emotionally the one doing the filing usually is done with the relationship (not in all cases though).
In the divorce class, we were told that women file the most, and usually by the time they file they have no feelings left. They have been done for a long time. That was true in my case and several of my friend's cases as well. But others were blind-sided. Their exes left them for another woman. Looking back, they could see the signs. But at the time, they had no idea. I think how a person heals after a break up depends on each individual situation.
When you first get divorced several things may happen. You may go out immediately and hit the town picking up anyone you can, trying to forget. "Sewing your oats" as they say: The mentality of "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else."
Others may slip into a deep depression, hiding themselves away.
Either way, you also have the kids to deal with and their emotions, the lawyers, court, dividing the assets; the list goes on and on and on. So divorce does not just bring with it dating, and relationships, it brings a whole new slew of problems.
I did the divorce the cheap way. Gave it all away: no lawyers involved. We went to the courthouse, filed, and two months later went to court. Done, finished. About $255 dollars total ($155 for the filing fee and $50 dollars each for the parenting class). Other friends; two years and counting, lawyer bills racking up, nothing agreed upon, just plain crazy. Obviously if you have kids you need to keep it together for them and put their feeling first. If you don't have kids, the divorce is obviously less complicated.
They say a break up is much like a death. In essence it is. It is a death of a relationship. It’s a death of a period of your life. It may be devastating at the time, but all will go through those steps of "grief"
1. Denial and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance.
You may not realize you are going through the stages when you are going through them, but if you look back, you will recognize each stage. Every person will go through the stages differently. Some will go through the stages in a matter of weeks; for others it may take years to get through them. It just depends on the person. Sometimes these stages were gone through before the divorce was filed for.
I guess maybe what needs to be remembered is; you are not the only one going thru this. If you need someone to talk to look around, that shoulder to lean on is not very far away.Get your life in order, learn from your experience, reconnect with friends, move forward, and most importantly, take the time needed to heal.
Until tomorrow….
Monday, November 23, 2009
Love, Or Lack Thereof
Love. We all want it, yet so many of us can't find it (at least mutual love, the "key".) The Colbie Callait song says it all when she sings; "I am trying, not to tell you, but I want to, I'm scared of what you'll say. So I'm hiding what I'm feeling. But I'm tired of holding this inside my head." I LOVE that song. I truthfully can be a hopeless romantic. What is it with some of us? We grow up watching Disney movies… Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty….and we get brainwashed. Yes, you heard it correctly BRAINWASHED. Those movies are so romantic, but they are NOT reality. A man on a white horse comes and takes you away from everything: all the pain, all your problems, he sweeps you away to a place where reality does not exist! You grow up watching those movies / films and you expect it, want it, and you need it. You start dating and it is NEVER like that. A knight in shining armor on a white horse comes and takes you away. Yeah right! Someone needs to make a cartoon which shows the reality of love!!!!! Someone needs to help the next generation to NOT have the same expectations of love that most of us grew up with.
We live in the day and age where each day we say every 4 letter word in the book. Yet, we all want to hear the 4 letter word that is the hardest to say. "Love." Okay in context: "I love you". Yes, we may get it from a child or a friend, but so many of us want to hear it from a person, that one person, who we may never hear those words from; the one person that means more than anything in the world to us. No, we don't want it used callously. We want it from the heart. Don’t do us any favors by telling us you love us when you do not mean it. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one in the world feeling these feelings. Yet, I know so many others are in the same boat. They want to find that "love of their life." God! I so want that. But you know what? I am also so afraid. I just got out of a marriage of 19 years. I was with him 23 years. I am scared to death! But, I am human. I do have feelings. I still want to find love. I do not know where. I know I love someone now, but, he does not love me back. He may care for me, maybe, possibly, but not love though. That's okay. You can't make someone love you. I don't WANT to make someone love me. Even if I love someone with all my heart and soul, if I REALLY love someone that much, I DO so want them to be happy too. It may be hard. It may be so VERY hard. But, if you love someone, truly and completely love someone; you will want the best for them. No matter how much it hurts at the time for you. You will want them to find happiness, even though it is not with you! Remember this: Love is not love if it is brought out of guilt. DO NOT GUILT SOMEONE INTO LOVING YOU! Really, I do so want love…. But I am soooo afraid of marriage... I am so afraid of commitment right now. But I want it. Messed up! I know. I am contradicting myself! (I am committed in my mind to someone… just I am one of those "fault without cause" people. Love the one your "with" kind of gal.)
So, why not just say it even if you do not mean it? Happiness stems from being loved and wanted, one of the basic psychological truths in each of us that demands fulfillment.
On the other hand, people kill each other daily, others withdraw into deep depression, and some even take their own lives - all for a lack of love, or "in the name of love". The first murder was a result of Cain's envy, because he perceived that God loved Abel, his brother, more. How many others, whether famous, or just one of us, how many have taken their own lives in the name of love? Too many.
The word "love" may be only be four letters long, but it is the most powerful word in the world. Why? Because the word love describes the most amazing feeling residing in every persons heart and soul - emotion! But, love is a double-edged sword. It can incite a soul to do heroic deeds on one hand, yet cause death and destruction on the other hand.
Being loved, and knowing you are loved, makes one confident and happy. Look around you. Can you look at a person and tell who is truly and completely in love?
Quote:
"If you have a friend worth loving, Love him. Yes, and let him know That you love him, ere life's evening Tinge his brow with sunset glow. Why should good words ne'er be said Of a friend - till he is dead? "- Anonymous
Until tomorrow……
We live in the day and age where each day we say every 4 letter word in the book. Yet, we all want to hear the 4 letter word that is the hardest to say. "Love." Okay in context: "I love you". Yes, we may get it from a child or a friend, but so many of us want to hear it from a person, that one person, who we may never hear those words from; the one person that means more than anything in the world to us. No, we don't want it used callously. We want it from the heart. Don’t do us any favors by telling us you love us when you do not mean it. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one in the world feeling these feelings. Yet, I know so many others are in the same boat. They want to find that "love of their life." God! I so want that. But you know what? I am also so afraid. I just got out of a marriage of 19 years. I was with him 23 years. I am scared to death! But, I am human. I do have feelings. I still want to find love. I do not know where. I know I love someone now, but, he does not love me back. He may care for me, maybe, possibly, but not love though. That's okay. You can't make someone love you. I don't WANT to make someone love me. Even if I love someone with all my heart and soul, if I REALLY love someone that much, I DO so want them to be happy too. It may be hard. It may be so VERY hard. But, if you love someone, truly and completely love someone; you will want the best for them. No matter how much it hurts at the time for you. You will want them to find happiness, even though it is not with you! Remember this: Love is not love if it is brought out of guilt. DO NOT GUILT SOMEONE INTO LOVING YOU! Really, I do so want love…. But I am soooo afraid of marriage... I am so afraid of commitment right now. But I want it. Messed up! I know. I am contradicting myself! (I am committed in my mind to someone… just I am one of those "fault without cause" people. Love the one your "with" kind of gal.)
So, why not just say it even if you do not mean it? Happiness stems from being loved and wanted, one of the basic psychological truths in each of us that demands fulfillment.
On the other hand, people kill each other daily, others withdraw into deep depression, and some even take their own lives - all for a lack of love, or "in the name of love". The first murder was a result of Cain's envy, because he perceived that God loved Abel, his brother, more. How many others, whether famous, or just one of us, how many have taken their own lives in the name of love? Too many.
The word "love" may be only be four letters long, but it is the most powerful word in the world. Why? Because the word love describes the most amazing feeling residing in every persons heart and soul - emotion! But, love is a double-edged sword. It can incite a soul to do heroic deeds on one hand, yet cause death and destruction on the other hand.
Being loved, and knowing you are loved, makes one confident and happy. Look around you. Can you look at a person and tell who is truly and completely in love?
Quote:
"If you have a friend worth loving, Love him. Yes, and let him know That you love him, ere life's evening Tinge his brow with sunset glow. Why should good words ne'er be said Of a friend - till he is dead? "- Anonymous
Until tomorrow……
Sunday, November 22, 2009
More on Internet Dating
Alright, I know I put internet dating down yesterday. You have to admit the concept is great; especially in this day and age when singles are working around the clock and are having a hard time meeting anyone. Yet the internet does have its drawbacks, as with anything else. I do realize I myself have never yet tried internet dating, but many of my friends have. I am relying on their experiences for some of these blogs as well as what I have heard in the media, etc. The ads on internet dating sure sound good. Who doesn't want to find that "love of their life?" I know that’s what I want. Believe me I have found love before, who hasn't. Sometimes the one you love with all your heart and soul does not feel the same about you. You meet someone, fall in love, but they don't love you back. There is nothing you can do about it; it’s a fact of life. This happens in many people's lives probably more than they care to admit. How does internet dating incorporate with this?
Internet dating promises to find that one individual who will love you as much as you love them (or some random promise like that). I look at this and I see: you fill out questionnaires and "profiles" about yourself (At least some I guess. Again I am going on what I have been told), my question is: How do these profiles and questionnaires keep someone from lying to make themselves "sound" better? They don't. Anyone can lie on these. You still can get paired with the wrong person over and over and over and over. So where do you draw the line on the rejection, the pain, the realization you have been "had" again. When you go out with a person it usually takes months before their true self comes out. Think about it, if you only spend a couple hours a week with someone it would be very easy to mask your real self. So, if when you're with them they can lie to make themselves sound better, what's to stop them from faking a profile, a questionnaire? I don't know. It's so hard to trust people (Well for me anyways and that story will come out later.) But I am sure everyone has been beat down in some relationship which made it hard to trust the subsequent relationships. Some guys can look you directly in the eye and lie; without flinching, blinking… nothing (I am sure some women can do this as well). You WANT to believe the person, yet red flags come up. Then you think maybe it's my own paranoia because the situation parallels a past experience which completely ruined you. So what do you do? Go by gut instinct? But then are you being fair to the current person. It's so hard to answer this. The last relationship could have been horrible. In the new relationship, you could have a person who is up front, truthful in every way, tells you everything (even if it hurts); but something happens that hits too close to the past relationship and you freak out. Ugh! Relationships are so hard whether you find them on the internet, speed dating, video chat, blind dates, etc. No matter how you find them, they WILL take work, guaranteed. The question you need to ask yourself: Is it worth it?
Until tomorrow…
Internet dating promises to find that one individual who will love you as much as you love them (or some random promise like that). I look at this and I see: you fill out questionnaires and "profiles" about yourself (At least some I guess. Again I am going on what I have been told), my question is: How do these profiles and questionnaires keep someone from lying to make themselves "sound" better? They don't. Anyone can lie on these. You still can get paired with the wrong person over and over and over and over. So where do you draw the line on the rejection, the pain, the realization you have been "had" again. When you go out with a person it usually takes months before their true self comes out. Think about it, if you only spend a couple hours a week with someone it would be very easy to mask your real self. So, if when you're with them they can lie to make themselves sound better, what's to stop them from faking a profile, a questionnaire? I don't know. It's so hard to trust people (Well for me anyways and that story will come out later.) But I am sure everyone has been beat down in some relationship which made it hard to trust the subsequent relationships. Some guys can look you directly in the eye and lie; without flinching, blinking… nothing (I am sure some women can do this as well). You WANT to believe the person, yet red flags come up. Then you think maybe it's my own paranoia because the situation parallels a past experience which completely ruined you. So what do you do? Go by gut instinct? But then are you being fair to the current person. It's so hard to answer this. The last relationship could have been horrible. In the new relationship, you could have a person who is up front, truthful in every way, tells you everything (even if it hurts); but something happens that hits too close to the past relationship and you freak out. Ugh! Relationships are so hard whether you find them on the internet, speed dating, video chat, blind dates, etc. No matter how you find them, they WILL take work, guaranteed. The question you need to ask yourself: Is it worth it?
Until tomorrow…
Saturday, November 21, 2009
The Dating Game
For centuries women and men have had the same problems, communication. Well, men not knowing how to communicate. (kidding) Seriously though, many women do not know how to communicate either. They are too afraid if they speak their mind, the man will run the other way. So they keep quiet, and the men use it to their advantage. How do you communicate when neither person knows how? Dating has changed so much since I left the dating world years ago. It's all new. You have the cell phone, you have texting, online dating, online chats, instant messaging, video chat, phone sex, social networking, speed dating, the list goes on and on and on. Seriously what constitutes dating anymore? I have no clue. I have not yet met one man who does not expect sex on the first date. What is that? What happened to courting someone? What happened to getting to know someone first? Condoms? That's a joke! It's like pulling teeth to get a guy to use one. One girl I talked with said she didn't ask the guy to use a condom because "she didn't know him well enough." Seriously?
Where do you meet the men? Dating sites? I have heard bad things about those. Work? Well, if it doesn't work out you have to see them every single day. A friend fixing you up? NOT ON YOUR LIFE! Those never work out and just will make it uncomfortable between your friend and you. Sports clubs? Well, you probably want to be into sports for those to work. Bars? Those aren't supposed to be good either, but truthfully that is where most people end up finding dates.
The Internet has revolutionized the way many women and men irrationally get their hopes up. To date, I have steered away from Internet dating, yet I do realize somewhere down the road, I may end up there. Sad, lonely women and men across the country are using online dating in futile attempts to change the course of their pathetic lives (I am not "dissing" anyone here, my life is pathetic as well). Dating in the information age gives both sexes the opportunity to seek out someone who won't call back all on their own. It used to be you had to wait and wait and wait for someone to reject you. Now, with the magic of Internet, you can get rejected right away! This wonderful invention saves you time on wondering if he or she will call you back or is interested in you so you can just get on already with the next rejection. You masterfully sort through hundreds of men and women, you rejecting them, they rejecting you, all in a short amount of time. The wonders of online dating, aren’t they just smashing? The art of destroying one's self esteem is as easy as a click of the mouse. Not only does one get to be rejected on the bar scene, they also can be rejected online as well, but what's the beauty of online rejection? It's on your own terms. The guys don't have to meet you in person to determine if you are not good looking enough for them. This really streamlines the process. It doesn't matter how pathetic they look, in this day and age, fat, overweight, balding men, can look in the mirror and see a buff, six pack abs with a full head of hair. Delusional! I believe it's called alcoholism.
Well, probably exceeded my time for the day… til tomorrow !
Where do you meet the men? Dating sites? I have heard bad things about those. Work? Well, if it doesn't work out you have to see them every single day. A friend fixing you up? NOT ON YOUR LIFE! Those never work out and just will make it uncomfortable between your friend and you. Sports clubs? Well, you probably want to be into sports for those to work. Bars? Those aren't supposed to be good either, but truthfully that is where most people end up finding dates.
The Internet has revolutionized the way many women and men irrationally get their hopes up. To date, I have steered away from Internet dating, yet I do realize somewhere down the road, I may end up there. Sad, lonely women and men across the country are using online dating in futile attempts to change the course of their pathetic lives (I am not "dissing" anyone here, my life is pathetic as well). Dating in the information age gives both sexes the opportunity to seek out someone who won't call back all on their own. It used to be you had to wait and wait and wait for someone to reject you. Now, with the magic of Internet, you can get rejected right away! This wonderful invention saves you time on wondering if he or she will call you back or is interested in you so you can just get on already with the next rejection. You masterfully sort through hundreds of men and women, you rejecting them, they rejecting you, all in a short amount of time. The wonders of online dating, aren’t they just smashing? The art of destroying one's self esteem is as easy as a click of the mouse. Not only does one get to be rejected on the bar scene, they also can be rejected online as well, but what's the beauty of online rejection? It's on your own terms. The guys don't have to meet you in person to determine if you are not good looking enough for them. This really streamlines the process. It doesn't matter how pathetic they look, in this day and age, fat, overweight, balding men, can look in the mirror and see a buff, six pack abs with a full head of hair. Delusional! I believe it's called alcoholism.
Well, probably exceeded my time for the day… til tomorrow !
Friday, November 20, 2009
Wondering.
Does anyone else out there wonder how you got where you are today? What were the events leading up to this point in your life? What happened? Do you ever wonder if you had not taken that one turn, gone to that specific bar, walked into that one store, took that specific job, turned down that one date, or accepted that one date, one action, one thought; a two-second decision which changed your life forever.
I do. I wonder where I would be, what I would be doing. Each choice I have made has sent my life on a completely different course. Good or bad, they were decisions I made and I need to make the best of them. But still, you can't help but wonder.
So how do we make the best of the situation? I guess when a situation occurs because of a split second decision one needs to look at all aspects, all sides. Some things about the situation you will be unable to change. Other things will be under your control which you can change. Figure out what you can control and make the best of it.
I wish I had taken the time to put more thought into some of the decisions I made. But I did not, and I am left picking up the pieces. So many of us find ourselves in those situations each day. The situations are different for everyone, but everyone has their own problems, their own obstacles to deal with. Not one person goes through life without trials. Some people don't let others know about their trials and we may think that person "has it all". But we do not see what goes on behind closed doors. It's all on how we look at things; the choices we make and how we respond to each individual situation is what makes all the difference in the world.
Tomorrows post: The Dating Game. A must read for a good laugh.
I do. I wonder where I would be, what I would be doing. Each choice I have made has sent my life on a completely different course. Good or bad, they were decisions I made and I need to make the best of them. But still, you can't help but wonder.
So how do we make the best of the situation? I guess when a situation occurs because of a split second decision one needs to look at all aspects, all sides. Some things about the situation you will be unable to change. Other things will be under your control which you can change. Figure out what you can control and make the best of it.
I wish I had taken the time to put more thought into some of the decisions I made. But I did not, and I am left picking up the pieces. So many of us find ourselves in those situations each day. The situations are different for everyone, but everyone has their own problems, their own obstacles to deal with. Not one person goes through life without trials. Some people don't let others know about their trials and we may think that person "has it all". But we do not see what goes on behind closed doors. It's all on how we look at things; the choices we make and how we respond to each individual situation is what makes all the difference in the world.
Tomorrows post: The Dating Game. A must read for a good laugh.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
This Time Last Year
*In my blogging I will refrain from mentioning peoples real names so no embarrassment, etc will be had, especially when I get to talking about the dating aspect of my life.
What can I say? A year has flown by. Last year at this time, even though we were officially divorced, the ex and I were cohabitating. For those of you thinking this may be an option after a divorce to cut costs, I would advise strongly against it. The story will come out in later blogs, but cohabitating with an ex is NOT advisable.
So much has happened.....
Last fall was chaotic to say the least. The Showcase tour for the nonprofit was underway in September, the divorce was underway, we were getting ready for the non profits yearly auction in November, my ex and I were being audited by the IRS for his ventures overseas, applying for colleges for my eldest son and getting all the senior year stuff under wraps, it was a crazy, crazy, crazy time to say the least. But, life went on. As with most of your lives you know that when it rains it pours. Everyone goes through those times that when you think things can't possibly get worse, they do. Sometimes even with a vengeance. Looking back over the past year, I realize many things that happened, probably could have been avoided. Some couldn't, but many could have. I will be definitely writing about those as well as I want this blog to be fun at times and make people laugh. I laugh at my life all the time. Many times it's because I make a multitude of stupid mistakes that later I just look back on and shake my head in amazement. This past year was a spiral out of control with me until it came to head at the end of May. At that time I decided it was time to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. I look at my life much like the phoenix bird rising from the ashes.
For those of you who do not know the symbology of the phoenix bird; a phoenix is a mythical bird, of which legend has told, near the end of its life-cycle it builds itself a nest of twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix arises, reborn anew to live again.
I am starting anew. I am going to make a new life for myself and my children. Whether you are married or single, young or old, it is never too late to start again, to reinvent your life and to break out of the doldrums. Put yourself out there and try something new. We all get stuck in ruts. Make a commitment to yourself to try something new at least once a week. Something you have never done before. See how it feels. Is it exciting? Does it give you a rush? It's up to us to make our lives exciting. Yes we all have to work, we all have obligations. But take 15 to 20 minutes even to do something out of the ordinary, expand your life in a good way. Until tomorrow…..
What can I say? A year has flown by. Last year at this time, even though we were officially divorced, the ex and I were cohabitating. For those of you thinking this may be an option after a divorce to cut costs, I would advise strongly against it. The story will come out in later blogs, but cohabitating with an ex is NOT advisable.
So much has happened.....
Last fall was chaotic to say the least. The Showcase tour for the nonprofit was underway in September, the divorce was underway, we were getting ready for the non profits yearly auction in November, my ex and I were being audited by the IRS for his ventures overseas, applying for colleges for my eldest son and getting all the senior year stuff under wraps, it was a crazy, crazy, crazy time to say the least. But, life went on. As with most of your lives you know that when it rains it pours. Everyone goes through those times that when you think things can't possibly get worse, they do. Sometimes even with a vengeance. Looking back over the past year, I realize many things that happened, probably could have been avoided. Some couldn't, but many could have. I will be definitely writing about those as well as I want this blog to be fun at times and make people laugh. I laugh at my life all the time. Many times it's because I make a multitude of stupid mistakes that later I just look back on and shake my head in amazement. This past year was a spiral out of control with me until it came to head at the end of May. At that time I decided it was time to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. I look at my life much like the phoenix bird rising from the ashes.
For those of you who do not know the symbology of the phoenix bird; a phoenix is a mythical bird, of which legend has told, near the end of its life-cycle it builds itself a nest of twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix arises, reborn anew to live again.
I am starting anew. I am going to make a new life for myself and my children. Whether you are married or single, young or old, it is never too late to start again, to reinvent your life and to break out of the doldrums. Put yourself out there and try something new. We all get stuck in ruts. Make a commitment to yourself to try something new at least once a week. Something you have never done before. See how it feels. Is it exciting? Does it give you a rush? It's up to us to make our lives exciting. Yes we all have to work, we all have obligations. But take 15 to 20 minutes even to do something out of the ordinary, expand your life in a good way. Until tomorrow…..
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Is the Grass Always Greener?
Who knows what life will throw at you? You get married and think you will be married forever.... 19 years and 4 kids later.... not so much. Midlife crisis? Who knows. I know it has been over a year since the divorce and life has been more hard than it has been easy, yet i have never once regretted leaving my ex. We don't fight..much. We relatively get along... yet we grew apart. I wasn't happy anymore. I may be living paycheck to paycheck and not a month goes by where i don't know how I will cover the next bill, pay for that next thing that comes up with the kids, or fill the next tank of gas, yet i have never been happier. The relationships with men? Those i will have separate blog posts as we make our way through the past year and beyond. But never-the-less, life will throw curve balls. You know what? Those curve balls are making me a stronger, more independent woman. I have learned so much about myself over the last year. Some things i found about myself I am not proud of, other things i have learned I am really proud of. As anyone going through a divorce and being thrown out to the wolves; life will never be the same. But, when this happens to you, look at it as an adventure. Its a new life, don't look back and regret.. look forward and see what can be. Life is what you make of it. Make it what you want. You never are to old to start something new.... the only person holding yourself back is you!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)