Growing Up is Hard to Do.

Sometimes I wonder about a little thing called "denial". For me, its denial of age. I hear the number, but it does not compute in my brain. In my heart, I still feel like a kid. An extremely exhausted kid because everything I have been through, but a kid none-the-less.

I want to live life to its fullest. I want to make something of my life. Who doesn't? Everyone does. No one wants to grow old. Everyone wants to make a difference here on earth. You wake up one day and look in the mirror wondering who in the world is staring back at you.

Last weekend I was holding my 4-month-old niece. She is so beautiful. She smiles and makes your heart melt. She makes me want another baby so badly. Someone to love you unconditionally, at least for a little while. As I was holding her she smiled so brightly at me and I said "Maddy, someday I will teach you how to pick up guys". She laughs and my sister-in-law says, "You will be almost 60 when she is 16, like she is going to listen to you?" My jaw dropped. The number was horrendous. No, I do not think I will ever live to that age, but it was like a sledge hammer to the head. Reality came crashing down.

I was watching a show with William Shatner, he was interviewing Judge Judy. Both stated the same thing: You look in the mirror and wonder, "Who is that person looking back at you?" In your mind you are still the same person you were as a child, a teen, a twenty something… but the body, it grows old, the mind does not.

Children are so wonderful. They bring your mind back to that of a child. If I met the right person, yes, I would have another, but I couldn't on my own. Instead, I will love my kids who are to "old" for me to give them a hug right now without them getting embarrassed, and hug my nieces and nephews who still enjoy being held, kissed, and loved.

I love to spoil kids.

My friend, a great friend who lost her 5-year-old son to cancer, just had a little boy too, on Dec 13. A hard day for me because of a break-up the night before via text of all things, but a wonderful, beautiful day for her. I am so happy for her. No one will ever replace the son she lost, but, her new little one will help fill a void in her heart. Children do that. Fill a void. Maybe that is why no one wants to grow old.

The innocence of a child is precious. Their naiveté, their trust, their unconditional love. What a world it would be if we could all be like a child. Children make the world a better place to live. They remind us of better times. Times of no responsibilities, times of truly being free, times of exploration, uninhibited innocence, and wonder. A child is a true gift from God. No one wants to grow old. We all are young at heart. Seriously, I can't see myself as older, but everyone ages. Some of us don't make it to old age, other do. What is age? A number. Just a number. It's what you feel in your heart that counts.

Until next time……