Okay, where do we go from here? Instead of hiding away (yes the hurt is still there, probably many hurts with other men since, and many more to come), it's time to take control and do something for you. I would suggest a "Bucket List." Make a list of things you always wanted to do before you "kick the bucket" per se. No better time like the present. It can be from something totally wacky to just something you wanted to personally accomplish. What are those "somethings" you always wanted to do but have made excuses why you couldn't do them. Even if you feel they are unattainable, write them down, an opportunity may present itself. From learning to belly dance to climbing Mt Everest, be truthful with what you have always dreamed of doing. Maybe even put it in some type of order (somethings you may have to save up for). But do them. Don't wait for someday. You never know when your time will come. Start your bucket list today.
What is your bucket list?
Until next time….
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
When You're Not Looking….
One evening a friend and I decided to go out. It was a last minute decision, but more and more, many nights are last minute. Being a single mom with kids whose visitations are not set in stone, you just never know when you will be free. We agreed to meet at a lounge in the area. Usually the lounge is hopping, but that evening was a home football game for our state, so everyone was tailgating an hour away at the state school; as a result, very few people were there. Instead, we decided to try a bar which seemed a little busier across the way.
We walked in; the crowd was okay, but not great. We decided to grab one drink then try some place else. We sat down to talk. About half way through our drink a man came to our table and asked us to join his friend and him. We told him we would in a bit. We finished up our drinks and walked over. As we sat down, we noticed the table next to them was a table filled with girls in their mid to late 20's. Curious, we asked the two men why they would want us to join them when clearly there was a table of younger, attractive women right next to them. They stated they found us attractive (points in their favor) and if they wanted to hear about Miley Cyrus all night they would have asked the younger women to join them, but they wanted a little more meaningful conversation. Okay, maybe that was a pick up line, but it worked. Made us both feel good. Neither of us went into the bar looking for someone to hook up with, yet here we were having a great time talking and laughing about a wide variety of subjects. By the end of the evening we were asked to go back to one man's house. My friend had really hit it off with one of the guys, the other man was very nice, but I was not looking for someone at the time, so I declined to join them. The funny thing was; my friend was adamant about staying single and had had it with men, but guess what? She is still with him and is having a terrific time. No, they are not "in love" right now, but, as she states it, they are "in like."
Just goes to show you, you never know what will happen from one minute to the next in life.
Until next time….
We walked in; the crowd was okay, but not great. We decided to grab one drink then try some place else. We sat down to talk. About half way through our drink a man came to our table and asked us to join his friend and him. We told him we would in a bit. We finished up our drinks and walked over. As we sat down, we noticed the table next to them was a table filled with girls in their mid to late 20's. Curious, we asked the two men why they would want us to join them when clearly there was a table of younger, attractive women right next to them. They stated they found us attractive (points in their favor) and if they wanted to hear about Miley Cyrus all night they would have asked the younger women to join them, but they wanted a little more meaningful conversation. Okay, maybe that was a pick up line, but it worked. Made us both feel good. Neither of us went into the bar looking for someone to hook up with, yet here we were having a great time talking and laughing about a wide variety of subjects. By the end of the evening we were asked to go back to one man's house. My friend had really hit it off with one of the guys, the other man was very nice, but I was not looking for someone at the time, so I declined to join them. The funny thing was; my friend was adamant about staying single and had had it with men, but guess what? She is still with him and is having a terrific time. No, they are not "in love" right now, but, as she states it, they are "in like."
Just goes to show you, you never know what will happen from one minute to the next in life.
Until next time….
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Thanksgiving
The holidays are already upon us. It is hard to believe another year has passed us by.
When you’re a child, you keep wishing you were older and you want time to fly. Once you are older, you wish you were younger and you want time to stand still.
Last Thanksgiving was the first Thanksgiving for me as a single parent. My ex husband had the kids for Thanksgiving and my parents, whose home we have celebrated Thanksgiving at for as long as I can remember, had flown to Hawaii. All my brothers and sisters were doing different things. Cousins, aunts and uncles all found their own ways. It felt strange having to decide what to do for Thanksgiving. I never had to even think about it before. Looking back I almost think it was a blessing in disguise. After several invitations, I ended up choosing to go to a friend's house.
I still had a little trepidation driving over to her home. I felt like I was going to be the "odd ball out", as I was the outsider coming in. I'm used to over 30 people every Thanksgiving. There were six of us last Thanksgiving. But I had a great time. It took no time at all to get into the spirit of things and they all made me feel right at home. Actually, with it being the first Thanksgiving after a divorce, one without the kids, it was a great choice for me.
Sometimes it’s a good thing to change it up a bit. If you go to the same places you used to go to as a family, it may be hard to do the same thing, that first year anyway. Depending on your situation, it might be time to start a new tradition. Or maybe it would be good, if you can afford it, to take a trip somewhere and get away for the holidays. Whatever you do remember, if children are involved, you need to take their feelings into consideration as well.
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
Until next time...
When you’re a child, you keep wishing you were older and you want time to fly. Once you are older, you wish you were younger and you want time to stand still.
Last Thanksgiving was the first Thanksgiving for me as a single parent. My ex husband had the kids for Thanksgiving and my parents, whose home we have celebrated Thanksgiving at for as long as I can remember, had flown to Hawaii. All my brothers and sisters were doing different things. Cousins, aunts and uncles all found their own ways. It felt strange having to decide what to do for Thanksgiving. I never had to even think about it before. Looking back I almost think it was a blessing in disguise. After several invitations, I ended up choosing to go to a friend's house.
I still had a little trepidation driving over to her home. I felt like I was going to be the "odd ball out", as I was the outsider coming in. I'm used to over 30 people every Thanksgiving. There were six of us last Thanksgiving. But I had a great time. It took no time at all to get into the spirit of things and they all made me feel right at home. Actually, with it being the first Thanksgiving after a divorce, one without the kids, it was a great choice for me.
Sometimes it’s a good thing to change it up a bit. If you go to the same places you used to go to as a family, it may be hard to do the same thing, that first year anyway. Depending on your situation, it might be time to start a new tradition. Or maybe it would be good, if you can afford it, to take a trip somewhere and get away for the holidays. Whatever you do remember, if children are involved, you need to take their feelings into consideration as well.
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
Until next time...
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
How does that song go by Neil Sedaka? "Don't take your love away from me, don't you leave my heart in misery. If you go then I'll be blue 'cause breaking up is hard to do.
"The song is the perfect accompaniment to a breakup. It goes through the feelings we all have experienced. You remember the good times and you want them back. In some cases, if you are the one being dumped, you try to get them back. But sometimes you need to realize it's just the end. Or, if you are a positive person, it’s a new beginning.
Everyone handles a divorce or break up differently. We all go about surviving in a different way. I have many friends going through divorces. Some of us had had enough and did the filing ourselves, others had the divorce come at them out of the blue. I think if you are the one filing, it may be a little easier. Not that divorce is ever easy, but emotionally the one doing the filing usually is done with the relationship (not in all cases though).
In the divorce class, we were told that women file the most, and usually by the time they file they have no feelings left. They have been done for a long time. That was true in my case and several of my friend's cases as well. But others were blind-sided. Their exes left them for another woman. Looking back, they could see the signs. But at the time, they had no idea. I think how a person heals after a break up depends on each individual situation.
When you first get divorced several things may happen. You may go out immediately and hit the town picking up anyone you can, trying to forget. "Sewing your oats" as they say: The mentality of "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else."
Others may slip into a deep depression, hiding themselves away.
Either way, you also have the kids to deal with and their emotions, the lawyers, court, dividing the assets; the list goes on and on and on. So divorce does not just bring with it dating, and relationships, it brings a whole new slew of problems.
I did the divorce the cheap way. Gave it all away: no lawyers involved. We went to the courthouse, filed, and two months later went to court. Done, finished. About $255 dollars total ($155 for the filing fee and $50 dollars each for the parenting class). Other friends; two years and counting, lawyer bills racking up, nothing agreed upon, just plain crazy. Obviously if you have kids you need to keep it together for them and put their feeling first. If you don't have kids, the divorce is obviously less complicated.
They say a break up is much like a death. In essence it is. It is a death of a relationship. It’s a death of a period of your life. It may be devastating at the time, but all will go through those steps of "grief"
1. Denial and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance.
You may not realize you are going through the stages when you are going through them, but if you look back, you will recognize each stage. Every person will go through the stages differently. Some will go through the stages in a matter of weeks; for others it may take years to get through them. It just depends on the person. Sometimes these stages were gone through before the divorce was filed for.
I guess maybe what needs to be remembered is; you are not the only one going thru this. If you need someone to talk to look around, that shoulder to lean on is not very far away.Get your life in order, learn from your experience, reconnect with friends, move forward, and most importantly, take the time needed to heal.
Until tomorrow….
"The song is the perfect accompaniment to a breakup. It goes through the feelings we all have experienced. You remember the good times and you want them back. In some cases, if you are the one being dumped, you try to get them back. But sometimes you need to realize it's just the end. Or, if you are a positive person, it’s a new beginning.
Everyone handles a divorce or break up differently. We all go about surviving in a different way. I have many friends going through divorces. Some of us had had enough and did the filing ourselves, others had the divorce come at them out of the blue. I think if you are the one filing, it may be a little easier. Not that divorce is ever easy, but emotionally the one doing the filing usually is done with the relationship (not in all cases though).
In the divorce class, we were told that women file the most, and usually by the time they file they have no feelings left. They have been done for a long time. That was true in my case and several of my friend's cases as well. But others were blind-sided. Their exes left them for another woman. Looking back, they could see the signs. But at the time, they had no idea. I think how a person heals after a break up depends on each individual situation.
When you first get divorced several things may happen. You may go out immediately and hit the town picking up anyone you can, trying to forget. "Sewing your oats" as they say: The mentality of "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else."
Others may slip into a deep depression, hiding themselves away.
Either way, you also have the kids to deal with and their emotions, the lawyers, court, dividing the assets; the list goes on and on and on. So divorce does not just bring with it dating, and relationships, it brings a whole new slew of problems.
I did the divorce the cheap way. Gave it all away: no lawyers involved. We went to the courthouse, filed, and two months later went to court. Done, finished. About $255 dollars total ($155 for the filing fee and $50 dollars each for the parenting class). Other friends; two years and counting, lawyer bills racking up, nothing agreed upon, just plain crazy. Obviously if you have kids you need to keep it together for them and put their feeling first. If you don't have kids, the divorce is obviously less complicated.
They say a break up is much like a death. In essence it is. It is a death of a relationship. It’s a death of a period of your life. It may be devastating at the time, but all will go through those steps of "grief"
1. Denial and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance.
You may not realize you are going through the stages when you are going through them, but if you look back, you will recognize each stage. Every person will go through the stages differently. Some will go through the stages in a matter of weeks; for others it may take years to get through them. It just depends on the person. Sometimes these stages were gone through before the divorce was filed for.
I guess maybe what needs to be remembered is; you are not the only one going thru this. If you need someone to talk to look around, that shoulder to lean on is not very far away.Get your life in order, learn from your experience, reconnect with friends, move forward, and most importantly, take the time needed to heal.
Until tomorrow….
Monday, November 23, 2009
Love, Or Lack Thereof
Love. We all want it, yet so many of us can't find it (at least mutual love, the "key".) The Colbie Callait song says it all when she sings; "I am trying, not to tell you, but I want to, I'm scared of what you'll say. So I'm hiding what I'm feeling. But I'm tired of holding this inside my head." I LOVE that song. I truthfully can be a hopeless romantic. What is it with some of us? We grow up watching Disney movies… Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty….and we get brainwashed. Yes, you heard it correctly BRAINWASHED. Those movies are so romantic, but they are NOT reality. A man on a white horse comes and takes you away from everything: all the pain, all your problems, he sweeps you away to a place where reality does not exist! You grow up watching those movies / films and you expect it, want it, and you need it. You start dating and it is NEVER like that. A knight in shining armor on a white horse comes and takes you away. Yeah right! Someone needs to make a cartoon which shows the reality of love!!!!! Someone needs to help the next generation to NOT have the same expectations of love that most of us grew up with.
We live in the day and age where each day we say every 4 letter word in the book. Yet, we all want to hear the 4 letter word that is the hardest to say. "Love." Okay in context: "I love you". Yes, we may get it from a child or a friend, but so many of us want to hear it from a person, that one person, who we may never hear those words from; the one person that means more than anything in the world to us. No, we don't want it used callously. We want it from the heart. Don’t do us any favors by telling us you love us when you do not mean it. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one in the world feeling these feelings. Yet, I know so many others are in the same boat. They want to find that "love of their life." God! I so want that. But you know what? I am also so afraid. I just got out of a marriage of 19 years. I was with him 23 years. I am scared to death! But, I am human. I do have feelings. I still want to find love. I do not know where. I know I love someone now, but, he does not love me back. He may care for me, maybe, possibly, but not love though. That's okay. You can't make someone love you. I don't WANT to make someone love me. Even if I love someone with all my heart and soul, if I REALLY love someone that much, I DO so want them to be happy too. It may be hard. It may be so VERY hard. But, if you love someone, truly and completely love someone; you will want the best for them. No matter how much it hurts at the time for you. You will want them to find happiness, even though it is not with you! Remember this: Love is not love if it is brought out of guilt. DO NOT GUILT SOMEONE INTO LOVING YOU! Really, I do so want love…. But I am soooo afraid of marriage... I am so afraid of commitment right now. But I want it. Messed up! I know. I am contradicting myself! (I am committed in my mind to someone… just I am one of those "fault without cause" people. Love the one your "with" kind of gal.)
So, why not just say it even if you do not mean it? Happiness stems from being loved and wanted, one of the basic psychological truths in each of us that demands fulfillment.
On the other hand, people kill each other daily, others withdraw into deep depression, and some even take their own lives - all for a lack of love, or "in the name of love". The first murder was a result of Cain's envy, because he perceived that God loved Abel, his brother, more. How many others, whether famous, or just one of us, how many have taken their own lives in the name of love? Too many.
The word "love" may be only be four letters long, but it is the most powerful word in the world. Why? Because the word love describes the most amazing feeling residing in every persons heart and soul - emotion! But, love is a double-edged sword. It can incite a soul to do heroic deeds on one hand, yet cause death and destruction on the other hand.
Being loved, and knowing you are loved, makes one confident and happy. Look around you. Can you look at a person and tell who is truly and completely in love?
Quote:
"If you have a friend worth loving, Love him. Yes, and let him know That you love him, ere life's evening Tinge his brow with sunset glow. Why should good words ne'er be said Of a friend - till he is dead? "- Anonymous
Until tomorrow……
We live in the day and age where each day we say every 4 letter word in the book. Yet, we all want to hear the 4 letter word that is the hardest to say. "Love." Okay in context: "I love you". Yes, we may get it from a child or a friend, but so many of us want to hear it from a person, that one person, who we may never hear those words from; the one person that means more than anything in the world to us. No, we don't want it used callously. We want it from the heart. Don’t do us any favors by telling us you love us when you do not mean it. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one in the world feeling these feelings. Yet, I know so many others are in the same boat. They want to find that "love of their life." God! I so want that. But you know what? I am also so afraid. I just got out of a marriage of 19 years. I was with him 23 years. I am scared to death! But, I am human. I do have feelings. I still want to find love. I do not know where. I know I love someone now, but, he does not love me back. He may care for me, maybe, possibly, but not love though. That's okay. You can't make someone love you. I don't WANT to make someone love me. Even if I love someone with all my heart and soul, if I REALLY love someone that much, I DO so want them to be happy too. It may be hard. It may be so VERY hard. But, if you love someone, truly and completely love someone; you will want the best for them. No matter how much it hurts at the time for you. You will want them to find happiness, even though it is not with you! Remember this: Love is not love if it is brought out of guilt. DO NOT GUILT SOMEONE INTO LOVING YOU! Really, I do so want love…. But I am soooo afraid of marriage... I am so afraid of commitment right now. But I want it. Messed up! I know. I am contradicting myself! (I am committed in my mind to someone… just I am one of those "fault without cause" people. Love the one your "with" kind of gal.)
So, why not just say it even if you do not mean it? Happiness stems from being loved and wanted, one of the basic psychological truths in each of us that demands fulfillment.
On the other hand, people kill each other daily, others withdraw into deep depression, and some even take their own lives - all for a lack of love, or "in the name of love". The first murder was a result of Cain's envy, because he perceived that God loved Abel, his brother, more. How many others, whether famous, or just one of us, how many have taken their own lives in the name of love? Too many.
The word "love" may be only be four letters long, but it is the most powerful word in the world. Why? Because the word love describes the most amazing feeling residing in every persons heart and soul - emotion! But, love is a double-edged sword. It can incite a soul to do heroic deeds on one hand, yet cause death and destruction on the other hand.
Being loved, and knowing you are loved, makes one confident and happy. Look around you. Can you look at a person and tell who is truly and completely in love?
Quote:
"If you have a friend worth loving, Love him. Yes, and let him know That you love him, ere life's evening Tinge his brow with sunset glow. Why should good words ne'er be said Of a friend - till he is dead? "- Anonymous
Until tomorrow……
Sunday, November 22, 2009
More on Internet Dating
Alright, I know I put internet dating down yesterday. You have to admit the concept is great; especially in this day and age when singles are working around the clock and are having a hard time meeting anyone. Yet the internet does have its drawbacks, as with anything else. I do realize I myself have never yet tried internet dating, but many of my friends have. I am relying on their experiences for some of these blogs as well as what I have heard in the media, etc. The ads on internet dating sure sound good. Who doesn't want to find that "love of their life?" I know that’s what I want. Believe me I have found love before, who hasn't. Sometimes the one you love with all your heart and soul does not feel the same about you. You meet someone, fall in love, but they don't love you back. There is nothing you can do about it; it’s a fact of life. This happens in many people's lives probably more than they care to admit. How does internet dating incorporate with this?
Internet dating promises to find that one individual who will love you as much as you love them (or some random promise like that). I look at this and I see: you fill out questionnaires and "profiles" about yourself (At least some I guess. Again I am going on what I have been told), my question is: How do these profiles and questionnaires keep someone from lying to make themselves "sound" better? They don't. Anyone can lie on these. You still can get paired with the wrong person over and over and over and over. So where do you draw the line on the rejection, the pain, the realization you have been "had" again. When you go out with a person it usually takes months before their true self comes out. Think about it, if you only spend a couple hours a week with someone it would be very easy to mask your real self. So, if when you're with them they can lie to make themselves sound better, what's to stop them from faking a profile, a questionnaire? I don't know. It's so hard to trust people (Well for me anyways and that story will come out later.) But I am sure everyone has been beat down in some relationship which made it hard to trust the subsequent relationships. Some guys can look you directly in the eye and lie; without flinching, blinking… nothing (I am sure some women can do this as well). You WANT to believe the person, yet red flags come up. Then you think maybe it's my own paranoia because the situation parallels a past experience which completely ruined you. So what do you do? Go by gut instinct? But then are you being fair to the current person. It's so hard to answer this. The last relationship could have been horrible. In the new relationship, you could have a person who is up front, truthful in every way, tells you everything (even if it hurts); but something happens that hits too close to the past relationship and you freak out. Ugh! Relationships are so hard whether you find them on the internet, speed dating, video chat, blind dates, etc. No matter how you find them, they WILL take work, guaranteed. The question you need to ask yourself: Is it worth it?
Until tomorrow…
Internet dating promises to find that one individual who will love you as much as you love them (or some random promise like that). I look at this and I see: you fill out questionnaires and "profiles" about yourself (At least some I guess. Again I am going on what I have been told), my question is: How do these profiles and questionnaires keep someone from lying to make themselves "sound" better? They don't. Anyone can lie on these. You still can get paired with the wrong person over and over and over and over. So where do you draw the line on the rejection, the pain, the realization you have been "had" again. When you go out with a person it usually takes months before their true self comes out. Think about it, if you only spend a couple hours a week with someone it would be very easy to mask your real self. So, if when you're with them they can lie to make themselves sound better, what's to stop them from faking a profile, a questionnaire? I don't know. It's so hard to trust people (Well for me anyways and that story will come out later.) But I am sure everyone has been beat down in some relationship which made it hard to trust the subsequent relationships. Some guys can look you directly in the eye and lie; without flinching, blinking… nothing (I am sure some women can do this as well). You WANT to believe the person, yet red flags come up. Then you think maybe it's my own paranoia because the situation parallels a past experience which completely ruined you. So what do you do? Go by gut instinct? But then are you being fair to the current person. It's so hard to answer this. The last relationship could have been horrible. In the new relationship, you could have a person who is up front, truthful in every way, tells you everything (even if it hurts); but something happens that hits too close to the past relationship and you freak out. Ugh! Relationships are so hard whether you find them on the internet, speed dating, video chat, blind dates, etc. No matter how you find them, they WILL take work, guaranteed. The question you need to ask yourself: Is it worth it?
Until tomorrow…
Saturday, November 21, 2009
The Dating Game
For centuries women and men have had the same problems, communication. Well, men not knowing how to communicate. (kidding) Seriously though, many women do not know how to communicate either. They are too afraid if they speak their mind, the man will run the other way. So they keep quiet, and the men use it to their advantage. How do you communicate when neither person knows how? Dating has changed so much since I left the dating world years ago. It's all new. You have the cell phone, you have texting, online dating, online chats, instant messaging, video chat, phone sex, social networking, speed dating, the list goes on and on and on. Seriously what constitutes dating anymore? I have no clue. I have not yet met one man who does not expect sex on the first date. What is that? What happened to courting someone? What happened to getting to know someone first? Condoms? That's a joke! It's like pulling teeth to get a guy to use one. One girl I talked with said she didn't ask the guy to use a condom because "she didn't know him well enough." Seriously?
Where do you meet the men? Dating sites? I have heard bad things about those. Work? Well, if it doesn't work out you have to see them every single day. A friend fixing you up? NOT ON YOUR LIFE! Those never work out and just will make it uncomfortable between your friend and you. Sports clubs? Well, you probably want to be into sports for those to work. Bars? Those aren't supposed to be good either, but truthfully that is where most people end up finding dates.
The Internet has revolutionized the way many women and men irrationally get their hopes up. To date, I have steered away from Internet dating, yet I do realize somewhere down the road, I may end up there. Sad, lonely women and men across the country are using online dating in futile attempts to change the course of their pathetic lives (I am not "dissing" anyone here, my life is pathetic as well). Dating in the information age gives both sexes the opportunity to seek out someone who won't call back all on their own. It used to be you had to wait and wait and wait for someone to reject you. Now, with the magic of Internet, you can get rejected right away! This wonderful invention saves you time on wondering if he or she will call you back or is interested in you so you can just get on already with the next rejection. You masterfully sort through hundreds of men and women, you rejecting them, they rejecting you, all in a short amount of time. The wonders of online dating, aren’t they just smashing? The art of destroying one's self esteem is as easy as a click of the mouse. Not only does one get to be rejected on the bar scene, they also can be rejected online as well, but what's the beauty of online rejection? It's on your own terms. The guys don't have to meet you in person to determine if you are not good looking enough for them. This really streamlines the process. It doesn't matter how pathetic they look, in this day and age, fat, overweight, balding men, can look in the mirror and see a buff, six pack abs with a full head of hair. Delusional! I believe it's called alcoholism.
Well, probably exceeded my time for the day… til tomorrow !
Where do you meet the men? Dating sites? I have heard bad things about those. Work? Well, if it doesn't work out you have to see them every single day. A friend fixing you up? NOT ON YOUR LIFE! Those never work out and just will make it uncomfortable between your friend and you. Sports clubs? Well, you probably want to be into sports for those to work. Bars? Those aren't supposed to be good either, but truthfully that is where most people end up finding dates.
The Internet has revolutionized the way many women and men irrationally get their hopes up. To date, I have steered away from Internet dating, yet I do realize somewhere down the road, I may end up there. Sad, lonely women and men across the country are using online dating in futile attempts to change the course of their pathetic lives (I am not "dissing" anyone here, my life is pathetic as well). Dating in the information age gives both sexes the opportunity to seek out someone who won't call back all on their own. It used to be you had to wait and wait and wait for someone to reject you. Now, with the magic of Internet, you can get rejected right away! This wonderful invention saves you time on wondering if he or she will call you back or is interested in you so you can just get on already with the next rejection. You masterfully sort through hundreds of men and women, you rejecting them, they rejecting you, all in a short amount of time. The wonders of online dating, aren’t they just smashing? The art of destroying one's self esteem is as easy as a click of the mouse. Not only does one get to be rejected on the bar scene, they also can be rejected online as well, but what's the beauty of online rejection? It's on your own terms. The guys don't have to meet you in person to determine if you are not good looking enough for them. This really streamlines the process. It doesn't matter how pathetic they look, in this day and age, fat, overweight, balding men, can look in the mirror and see a buff, six pack abs with a full head of hair. Delusional! I believe it's called alcoholism.
Well, probably exceeded my time for the day… til tomorrow !
Friday, November 20, 2009
Wondering.
Does anyone else out there wonder how you got where you are today? What were the events leading up to this point in your life? What happened? Do you ever wonder if you had not taken that one turn, gone to that specific bar, walked into that one store, took that specific job, turned down that one date, or accepted that one date, one action, one thought; a two-second decision which changed your life forever.
I do. I wonder where I would be, what I would be doing. Each choice I have made has sent my life on a completely different course. Good or bad, they were decisions I made and I need to make the best of them. But still, you can't help but wonder.
So how do we make the best of the situation? I guess when a situation occurs because of a split second decision one needs to look at all aspects, all sides. Some things about the situation you will be unable to change. Other things will be under your control which you can change. Figure out what you can control and make the best of it.
I wish I had taken the time to put more thought into some of the decisions I made. But I did not, and I am left picking up the pieces. So many of us find ourselves in those situations each day. The situations are different for everyone, but everyone has their own problems, their own obstacles to deal with. Not one person goes through life without trials. Some people don't let others know about their trials and we may think that person "has it all". But we do not see what goes on behind closed doors. It's all on how we look at things; the choices we make and how we respond to each individual situation is what makes all the difference in the world.
Tomorrows post: The Dating Game. A must read for a good laugh.
I do. I wonder where I would be, what I would be doing. Each choice I have made has sent my life on a completely different course. Good or bad, they were decisions I made and I need to make the best of them. But still, you can't help but wonder.
So how do we make the best of the situation? I guess when a situation occurs because of a split second decision one needs to look at all aspects, all sides. Some things about the situation you will be unable to change. Other things will be under your control which you can change. Figure out what you can control and make the best of it.
I wish I had taken the time to put more thought into some of the decisions I made. But I did not, and I am left picking up the pieces. So many of us find ourselves in those situations each day. The situations are different for everyone, but everyone has their own problems, their own obstacles to deal with. Not one person goes through life without trials. Some people don't let others know about their trials and we may think that person "has it all". But we do not see what goes on behind closed doors. It's all on how we look at things; the choices we make and how we respond to each individual situation is what makes all the difference in the world.
Tomorrows post: The Dating Game. A must read for a good laugh.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
This Time Last Year
*In my blogging I will refrain from mentioning peoples real names so no embarrassment, etc will be had, especially when I get to talking about the dating aspect of my life.
What can I say? A year has flown by. Last year at this time, even though we were officially divorced, the ex and I were cohabitating. For those of you thinking this may be an option after a divorce to cut costs, I would advise strongly against it. The story will come out in later blogs, but cohabitating with an ex is NOT advisable.
So much has happened.....
Last fall was chaotic to say the least. The Showcase tour for the nonprofit was underway in September, the divorce was underway, we were getting ready for the non profits yearly auction in November, my ex and I were being audited by the IRS for his ventures overseas, applying for colleges for my eldest son and getting all the senior year stuff under wraps, it was a crazy, crazy, crazy time to say the least. But, life went on. As with most of your lives you know that when it rains it pours. Everyone goes through those times that when you think things can't possibly get worse, they do. Sometimes even with a vengeance. Looking back over the past year, I realize many things that happened, probably could have been avoided. Some couldn't, but many could have. I will be definitely writing about those as well as I want this blog to be fun at times and make people laugh. I laugh at my life all the time. Many times it's because I make a multitude of stupid mistakes that later I just look back on and shake my head in amazement. This past year was a spiral out of control with me until it came to head at the end of May. At that time I decided it was time to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. I look at my life much like the phoenix bird rising from the ashes.
For those of you who do not know the symbology of the phoenix bird; a phoenix is a mythical bird, of which legend has told, near the end of its life-cycle it builds itself a nest of twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix arises, reborn anew to live again.
I am starting anew. I am going to make a new life for myself and my children. Whether you are married or single, young or old, it is never too late to start again, to reinvent your life and to break out of the doldrums. Put yourself out there and try something new. We all get stuck in ruts. Make a commitment to yourself to try something new at least once a week. Something you have never done before. See how it feels. Is it exciting? Does it give you a rush? It's up to us to make our lives exciting. Yes we all have to work, we all have obligations. But take 15 to 20 minutes even to do something out of the ordinary, expand your life in a good way. Until tomorrow…..
What can I say? A year has flown by. Last year at this time, even though we were officially divorced, the ex and I were cohabitating. For those of you thinking this may be an option after a divorce to cut costs, I would advise strongly against it. The story will come out in later blogs, but cohabitating with an ex is NOT advisable.
So much has happened.....
Last fall was chaotic to say the least. The Showcase tour for the nonprofit was underway in September, the divorce was underway, we were getting ready for the non profits yearly auction in November, my ex and I were being audited by the IRS for his ventures overseas, applying for colleges for my eldest son and getting all the senior year stuff under wraps, it was a crazy, crazy, crazy time to say the least. But, life went on. As with most of your lives you know that when it rains it pours. Everyone goes through those times that when you think things can't possibly get worse, they do. Sometimes even with a vengeance. Looking back over the past year, I realize many things that happened, probably could have been avoided. Some couldn't, but many could have. I will be definitely writing about those as well as I want this blog to be fun at times and make people laugh. I laugh at my life all the time. Many times it's because I make a multitude of stupid mistakes that later I just look back on and shake my head in amazement. This past year was a spiral out of control with me until it came to head at the end of May. At that time I decided it was time to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. I look at my life much like the phoenix bird rising from the ashes.
For those of you who do not know the symbology of the phoenix bird; a phoenix is a mythical bird, of which legend has told, near the end of its life-cycle it builds itself a nest of twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix arises, reborn anew to live again.
I am starting anew. I am going to make a new life for myself and my children. Whether you are married or single, young or old, it is never too late to start again, to reinvent your life and to break out of the doldrums. Put yourself out there and try something new. We all get stuck in ruts. Make a commitment to yourself to try something new at least once a week. Something you have never done before. See how it feels. Is it exciting? Does it give you a rush? It's up to us to make our lives exciting. Yes we all have to work, we all have obligations. But take 15 to 20 minutes even to do something out of the ordinary, expand your life in a good way. Until tomorrow…..
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Is the Grass Always Greener?
Who knows what life will throw at you? You get married and think you will be married forever.... 19 years and 4 kids later.... not so much. Midlife crisis? Who knows. I know it has been over a year since the divorce and life has been more hard than it has been easy, yet i have never once regretted leaving my ex. We don't fight..much. We relatively get along... yet we grew apart. I wasn't happy anymore. I may be living paycheck to paycheck and not a month goes by where i don't know how I will cover the next bill, pay for that next thing that comes up with the kids, or fill the next tank of gas, yet i have never been happier. The relationships with men? Those i will have separate blog posts as we make our way through the past year and beyond. But never-the-less, life will throw curve balls. You know what? Those curve balls are making me a stronger, more independent woman. I have learned so much about myself over the last year. Some things i found about myself I am not proud of, other things i have learned I am really proud of. As anyone going through a divorce and being thrown out to the wolves; life will never be the same. But, when this happens to you, look at it as an adventure. Its a new life, don't look back and regret.. look forward and see what can be. Life is what you make of it. Make it what you want. You never are to old to start something new.... the only person holding yourself back is you!
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