Sometimes Good Things Happen When You Need It Most

Okay, I am going a different direction here today. Many things have happened since I last updated and it has been crazy. I will focus today on some thing's which happened last Friday, Saturday & Sunday (Dec 4, 5 & 6). I am not a churchy person, although I did accept Christ as my Lord and Savior years ago. I wasn't "churchy" then, but I believed. Since then, I have fallen, and fallen, and fallen, and fallen. I am definitely not a perfect person by any means. We all fall from grace. Some of us (me over the past year and a half) more than others. I know I still have not written about something that happened on May 24, 2009. I will eventually, but 2 weeks after that date, when I had survived and finally gotten out of the hospital, I decided to try to start going back to church. It has not been consistent at all, but here and there I have tried.

Last Friday (Dec 4) was one of those days from hell. It was one thing after another after another until I found myself with a flat tire. It was freezing cold and the flat was on my old 1996 Plymouth van which I had never changed a tire on. Yes, I had changed tires before, just never on the van. First, I could not figure out where the spare was, (found it finally bolted up under the car), then for the life of me I could not get it down. It was freezing cold, I had neglected to have gloves with me that day, and the strain of the day, with this as a "topper", brought me to tears. Finally an older man in a little red truck stopped to help. He changed the tire and I was able to drive a mile back up to get it patched. I asked how much the patch would be and they told me $18. After waiting a little bit, they came back and told me the tire would have to be replaced and the cheapest they had was $73. I do not have credit cards, and only had $40 to my name until the next paycheck on the 15. I left and went home to call around to see if I could find a used tire. Of the places I called, no one had a used tire and the cheapest I found was $60. I was upset especially with the threat of snow on Sunday and the impending storm coming in throughout the entire next week. I did not want to risk driving on ice and snow with the "donut" on my car, especially with the kids, but knew that was probably going to happen.

Saturday came and I did some promo work at the local grocery store for 6 hours as I did not have the kids that weekend. I am not afraid of work, in fact I can be a work-a-holic at times, like when I started my non profit (its still going, but when I got a divorce I had to train someone to take over for time and monetary reasons), I worked the nonprofit 40 + hours a week for 3 years for free and worked my normal paying job on top of that. So work does not bother me. I just need to learn maybe stop working for free.

When I got home Saturday evening my daughter called. I need to give you a little background on this situation.

My daughter and I are very close and she knows how I have been struggling. She works at a local movie theater and offered to lend money to me when it was needed. I had had to borrow a couple hundred here and there over the last 6 months all along thinking I would find a better job and be able to pay her back. I have been looking and interviewing, but no luck as of yet. What I owed her climbed to $1,135. I started odd jobs when I could try to bring in some extra money. I figured I could start paying her back that way until something came up job wise. I have a job; it just falls short financially each month. Well, my daughter's dream is to major in Japanese and international business. She has enough credits to graduate at the end of this year except for 3 English credits which she was planning on taking this summer. She is a junior and wanted to do the youth exchange program through the Rotary club. She has been working so hard for this opportunity, both in school and saving up because she has to pay for this on her own as I cannot afford it.

Well Saturday she called telling me she got the application for the exchange program in the mail that day. She really wanted to go and she needed the money for the application fee, dental exam, physical, shots and her passport (as we don’t have dental or health insurance at this time). However, she knew I could not pay her back yet. I was so frustrated and upset as I did not know what to do. She has worked so hard for this and I did not want to let her down. I had no idea how I was going to be able to get the money to pay her back what I owed her as I am unable to get a loan. I felt like a complete failure. My daughter was not angry; she was just devastated as she saw her dream, and what she worked so hard for, going down the drain because I could not pay her back. Had she not loaned me the money, she would have had enough, but she had loaned it to me as she knew it had been needed. I went to bed feeling like a failure. Everything has just hit hard over the past year and I did not know what to do. I set the alarm for church as I had not been for 2 weeks.

The next morning the alarm went off at 9 and I turned over and went back to bed. Something in my mind kept telling me I had to get up. I was having a battle in my head. I fell back to sleep and the alarm went off again. I heard a "Get up and go to church!" I said "No" and tried to go back to sleep. I felt this prompting over and over until finally I said "Fine. If it snowed though, I am not going!" I got up to look out the window and there was no snow. Defeated, I got ready for church. I called my friend and told her I was coming and asked her to save me a seat as I did not have the kids that weekend and do not like sitting alone. Then halfway through the sermon the pastor stopped suddenly. He then asked for single moms to go up to the front of the church. There was no way I was going up there. I know I am a single mom, but, it’s a pride thing. My friend kept telling me that I needed to go up and I wouldn't. Many women went up; finally my friend just held my hand and we stayed back. Then the pastor stopped again and said "I feel like all the single moms that need to be up here are not. If you are a single mother, come up." The place was packed and the pastor did not know me from Adam. I figured he was talking about the others. Instead my friend took me by the hand and dragged me up telling me she felt God prompting her that I had to be there. Then the pastor starts talking about the struggles of single moms and that they, as a church, have a duty to take care of their own. He told the congregation if they felt lead by God to give, to come forward and give to us. My jaw dropped, I wanted to take off running. I turned to my friend and said, I should not be up here, I am not living on the street, there are people worse off. She said "No, you need a tire before the snow comes, just accept it." It was very humbling as when I was married, I was the one giving as then we had 2 incomes. It was so embarrassing and humbling to have to accept money, I know I am struggling, but who isn't? There are people living on the streets, they should be getting the money, not me. What about the husbands and wives who are struggling? The turmoil inside was horrible, but everyone was so wonderful, the hugs, the tears, the encouraging words, I will never forget it. I did not look at the money until I got home. I felt so undeserving, but knew I needed that tire. My friend and her husband took me to lunch after church and her husband called around to see who was open on Sunday to replace a tire. Then he paid for the tire telling me to use the rest of what I had received that morning for something else. When I returned home I counted it. I was in tears. It was enough to cover the last $70 my oldest son had left after loans for college so they would let him sign up for classes next semester, enough to get my tire, and enough to pay my daughter back so she would not lose out on something she had worked so hard for. I cried. I called my daughter immediately and told her. She was in tears, she was so happy. This gift did not get me out of the "hole" nor did it make it so I would not be struggling, what it did was cover some immediate expenses that God knew needed to be taken care of, yet I had no way to pay them. It was just what was needed at the time.

I still feel undeserving of what happened. But I have come to the conclusion, God was watching out for me and my children, especially my daughter as he knew how hard she had worked, and the sacrifices she had made to realize her dream. Yet she had been willing to give all that up to help me when I needed it. God gave my daughter her dream back. I realize that even though I am far from perfect, and make many, many mistakes, sometimes you need to trust God to provide the answers when he feels it's necessary. As my friend told me, "Sometimes you need to just let go and let God." (Let God take care of things.)

It was a humbling experience, yet one I will remember the rest of my life.

Until next time…..